the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
