what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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