Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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