He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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