Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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