The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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