I must be too annoying 4 u.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
