I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
