OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
