Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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