Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
