i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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