Got a toothbrush?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Alive.
So much puke
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I need a beard to bite.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
