did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Mom said you looked used
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
