even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
