the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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