It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
