i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
