just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
