Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize