Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
