Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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