how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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