I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
