Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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