I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
