He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize