That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Vodka?
Forever.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
