He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize