Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
