im about as happy as oj after his trial
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
