Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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