I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
