I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
