3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish I could teleport
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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