does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
