I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
