had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
