from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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