whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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