We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
