two words...techno handjob
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize