i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
