I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
