No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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