I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
