terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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