is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize