Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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