You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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