dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
