I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
