TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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