I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
