He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
