I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
