Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
