some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
