3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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