Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
