I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
