: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
