he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize