I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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