I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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