dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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