It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
