Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
