I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
