my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
