I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to make out with him forever
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
