I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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