forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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