sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
