You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
