Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
