So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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