after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
