She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize