i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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