Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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