and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
