I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
