their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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