You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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