so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
