bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
