PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
