I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
