just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
