I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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