I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
