Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I AM VODKA MAN
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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