she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
