just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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