I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
