It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
