I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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