I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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