Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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