and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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