I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
