then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am available for nakedness
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
