If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
